It's not as fun as it sounds
by xHawkstarx
Summary: Red vs. Blue fic: Grif sneaks into the base in order to get out of doing work, only to get sucked into Donut's daily wine and cheese hour.


**A small note:** This is my first RvB fanfic. Yeah, it probably sucks because of this, but I don't want to get into that. I just want to say that... Well, I'm not sure if I'm finished with it. I may add more to it, hell, I may even add another chapter. I would not be opposed to doing so. Before I do though, I thought I'd get some opinions on what I've written so far. It's short, I know. I wrote it in about two hours. I had the idea and just wanted to get it down. Maybe I'll flesh it out a bit more soon.

Another note, I got the idea from "Soup's RvB Scenario Creator" on deviantART. I'd be happy to send you a link to it if you'd like, just ask. c:

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><p>It was hot. That was all that mattered right at that moment; it was hot, and Grif did not want to do anything that could possibly be construed as work, or anything, really, with the sun beating down on him like that. Well, it was always like that in this godforsaken canyon, but still. It was annoying.<p>

The orange soldier had snuck into the base while Sarge and and the kiss-ass were distracted. Staring at the damned warthog for some reason or other_. Probably planning some new idiotic add-on for it,_ Grif mused silently as he peeked out to doorway to make sure neither of them had spotted him escaping. As he turned back to face the inside of the concrete building, he slowly began to walk down the hall, dropping pieces of armor behind him as he went, not caring where they landed. He was tired of wearing something so heavy in this weather, it didn't seem fair. They had to stand around all day in such heavy-duty armor when there was rarely any reason for it. It was ridiculous. Shaking his head, the man ran his fingers through his brown hair as he turned a corner. Hearing something, he paused and stood perfectly still, hand still at his head as he listened for the sound. He didn't have to wait long, he soon heard clinking and voices-no, a single voice-coming from further down the hall. Now cautious and cursing himself for taking off his armor so quickly, Grif lowered his hand and crept, quietly as possible, down the hall toward the room the noise seemed to be emanating from.

Reaching the doorway, he peeked into the room warily. What he saw took his fears away and replaced them with irritation. The sounds were being made by the resident rookie of the Red team, Donut. _Of course._ Grif whispered angry curses to himself. How could he have thought that a Blue had found their way into their base? They were all too damn stupid, and why would they sit in the base and make noise anyways? More likely they would have searched for each Red in order to take them out, not make noise and attract them into their own base. Not that it mattered. Again, they were too stupid to come up with...well, either plan.

Donut seemed to hear the orange soldier mumbled profanities and leaped up from the table he had been seated at. Said table was placed at such an angle that Grif couldn't see what pinky had been doing at it, but he knew it wasn't something that he wanted to be involved in. He sighed as Donut approached him, practically skipping and wearing a stupid grin.

"Hey Grif!" He greeted cheerfully. He too was out of his armor, but not sporting the plain t-shirt and shorts that was usually worn under the heavy equipment. No, instead he was wearing a suit. A _suit_! He hated to do this, but Grif now had to know what the hell was going on here.

"Uh, what exactly are you doing?" He queried with a small sigh.

"What I do every week on this day, duh!" Donut replied, seemingly expecting the lazy man to know what this was. Seeing the questioning look on Grif's face, however, he elaborated: "Donut's daily wine and cheese hour! Want to join? Skully and I never have anyone join us, and we could sure use the company!"

Grif closed his eyes as he heard the question and took in a deep breath. This idiot was so annoying. One of the more irritating teammates of his, and that was sure as hell saying something.

"Skully?" He asked, almost groaning as he did so. Why did he have to keep this conversation going? Really now, he could have just turned around and walked away once he had spotted Donut alone in the room and not had anything to do with this at all, but no. No, he had to know what exactly the pink private was doing.

"Oh yeah! He's the best for stuff like this! He leads such intelligent conversations, we talk for hours on end!" Donut laughed. He then shot a quick glance back over to the table before dropping the smile from his face and leaning in to whisper to Grif. "But he's really pretentious, so he's not always the best company. You know how it is." Grif frowned and pushed Donut firmly away from his ear. Suddenly, a voice sounded from the end of the hall causing the orange soldier to jump and whip around.

"Grif!" Came the call of the maroon kiss-ass. Simmons appeared a moment later, a stern loon on his face. Grif rolled his eyes, he was not in the mood for yet another lecture. He'd already had two today that he could remember. He may have had another one or two during his nap, but he had learned to pretty much tune out the annoying shouting of his teammates and stay asleep, so he couldn't be sure on that point.

"What?"

"Why are you in here? You're supposed to be outside-"

"Preforming mind-numbingly boring tasks? Yeah, sorry," Grif offered a sarcastic smile, "but I had to come inside and... and, uh... Join Donut for his daily wine hour!" The orange soldier grabbed the pink private around the shoulders and pulled him to his side to show Simmons that they were indeed hanging out. He then ignored Donut's mention of it being a "wine and cheese hour, not just wine hour".

"Oh, really? That's funny, i don't recall you two ever being wine buddies before." Simmons' frown deepened.

"Well yeah! I just learned about the thing today!" Grif protested, now trying to remove the dripping sarcasm from his tone. This proved difficult and obviously didn't work going by the look on Simmons' face.

"Well, why don't you guys give me a little proof then? I don't see any wine or cheese in your hands." The maroon soldier crossed his arms and stared down at the other two men.

"Oh, no problem there!" Donut smiled and shrugged out of Grif's grip. He grabbed Simmon's by the arm and pulled him into the room, around to the table he had been seated at before Grif's interruption. The lazy private followed and bit his tongue to keep himself from groaning at the sight of the table. There were three different bottles of wine in the center of the table, in front of which sat a candle and a small cheese platter. There were two glasses of wine poured and sitting, one at the side with the empty chair which Donut had vacated, and the other sitting in front of a skull that happened to be wearing a top hat and... oh lord, a monocle. To finish it off, there was a red table cloth covering the table.

Simmons shot Grif a smirk, obviously knowing that the orange soldier had not seen the table before and was likely waiting for Grif to admit that he was not actually taking part in this activity. In return, Grif frowned back at the man in maroon armor and took a hesitant step forward. He was not about to prove Simmons right. Gathering his courage, the stubborn man walked up to the table and swiftly swatted the skull with his hand, knocking it over and onto the floor. He then grabbed what was the skull's glass of wine and lifted it as though to offer Simmons a silent "cheers" before pulling it to his lips and downing the whole thing. Hey, if he was going to go along with this idiotic thing, he was going to make it worth it.

Donut was grinning like a mad man as he released Simmons from his grip and raced forward. He uncorked the tallest bottle and poured Grif another glass. Grif nodded to him and looked back at Simmons and was pleased to see an angry look on the other man's face. The maroon soldier let out a frustrated breath of air, shook his head, and stomped out of the room. Grif let out a chuckle of victory and turned back to face Donut. He lost his smirk almost immediately as he saw the pink private, holding the top hat that had fallen off of the skull, and holding it out to the other Red.

"Uh, no. I'm not wearing that." Grif shook his head for emphasis and went to take another gulp of wine, when suddenly it disappeared from his hand. His eyes lifted from his now empty grasp up to Donut, who was now holding the precious liquid of tolerance.

"No top hat, no wine."

"Aw, what? Are you serious? Come on man, it's not like you have anyone else to share this stuff with!" Grif complained and gestured to the food and beverage placed on the table in front of him.

"For your information, Skully shares this with me, and he has the manners to do so while dressing fancy." Donut spoke in a huffy tone and pointed to the skull laying on the floor next to Grif's chair. The orange soldier sighed.

"Fine, gimme the damn thing." He growled and reached for the hat. He placed it quickly on his head before snatching his wine glass back from Donut.

"Good." The pink private gave a satisfied smile and picked up the cheese tray and offered it to Grif. The lazy man shrugged and grabbed a cube of cheese and popped it in his mouth, chewed it quickly, and drowned it with the wine in his glass. He lifted the glass to show Donut how empty it was and pinky was happy to oblige. He poured Grif his third glass of wine, not apparently caring if he drank in an improper manner, so long as he was dressed somewhat fancy. Grif nodded slowly, smiling a small smile as he watched the red alcohol fill his glass. He went to take another big gulp, but halted as his eyes flicked to Donut and noticed that the other man was watching him.

"Um... can I help you with something?" He asked, lowering the glass, now feeling awkward and just weirded out.

"Your hat. It's crooked." Was Donut's response. Grif opened his mouth to speak again but was stopped as the pink private reached forward and adjusted the top hat. Way to make this even worse, Grif groaned inwardly, his gaze resting on the wine glass planning to once again down the liquid before he felt the hat being adjusted again. Narrowing his eyes, the orange soldier turned to face Donut and watched as he would lean forward, fix the at, and lean back to take it in as though it were a work of art that was still being worked upon. The blonde moved to fix it again, but Girf knocked his hands away and glared up at him.

"Please stop that." Was all he uttered before turning back to the table and picked up his glass again. Donut hesitated, frowning at the hat still, before nodding sadly and sitting down in his chair opposite of Grif.

The two sat in silence for all of two minutes before Donut returned to being his chatty self and started asking Grif all sorts of questions that the lazy soldier didn't want to answer. It was going to be a painful hour, but it beat working, right?


End file.
